Last Exit for the Lost

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LAST EXIT FOR THE LOST

INITIATIONS INTO RADICAL SELF-LOVE

estimated read time: 10 minutes, 12 seconds

It is quite possible, that somewhere along your hero's journey – especially for those of you who are the Warriors of Love – you may be gifted with a very, specific initiation.

Now, you won't know it at the start.
This is an initiation that reveals only when it is nearing its completion, not when you are entering in.
It's a bit tricksy that way.
(But then again, the best initiations take us somewhere very different, from where we were, when we began.)

It might go something like this...
There you are, hanging out in your mystical forest, talking with mountains and playing with chickadees, when suddenly, the birds come to a stand still and a magical breeze swirls around you.
This is that moment…when the planets click, and the cosmos aligns, and a very, specific some One drops in, from what seems like…out of nowhere.

It’s as if, they just fell from the sky.

They seem familiar.
You’ve seen those eyes before…
Was it in a dream? A vision?
Ah, it must have been from that far-memory, in that otherworldly landscape, a long, distant aeon ago.

This “One,” speaks the same language as you - finally, someone who can understand you!
They whisper adventures of dreamy, big vistas, and vastly, expansive horizons…and it becomes ever so apparent, that They, want to do The Journey, with You.

In fact, isn’t it obvious?
Those far-memories, the serendipitous synchronicities.. this clearly is something you were both destined for,
and something you were meant, to do, Together.

Starry-eyed and smitten, you think it sounds pretty good…

Maybe now you will get to see all those places you couldn’t visit alone.
Who knew, you just needed Them, to show up.
That, it was just the One, that you were waiting for.

What the hell, you think.
I’m up for the ride.

After all, this One, does seem firmly rooted in the drivers seat, and you are so exhausted, from always having to navigate the journey alone. You think of how nice it will be, to finally hand over the wheel, and be able to sit back, and enjoy the scenery for a change.


And just like that - lickety-split - you throw caution to the wind, and hop aboard for a Magical Mystery Tour.
Not really sure if you are appropriately outfitted,
but, eager, to get going with your new comrade.

So excited, that you have finally found your co-pilot to pioneer a better paradigm!

You peel out onto the open road, leaving the drab, familiar lands behind…wind in your hair, and bound for this great adventure in creating that realm you’ve always dreamed of – a place where you will live in dedication to something higher - You, are headed for the lands of that Sacred kind of Love.


The things we want are transformative, and we don’t know or only think we know what is on the other side of that transformation.
— Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost
 
 
 
open range
 

ENTER THE LAND
OF ENCHANTMENT

It's starts most magnificently…

You galavant through the Lands of Magic…
leaping across big mountain tops and hiking through mysterious deserts - gazing in wonder at the rare and exquisite flowers that have learned to blossom, in the harshest of places.

You and the One, dance together through the moments of twilight,
and enjoy the catalytic heat of the rising of the dawn.

You listen to the voices of the Ancient Ones,
as they whisper to you across the dimensions, restoring your sacred memories and reminding you of your secret names.

And, every single night…
You hold court at the foot of the setting, Sacred Sun, who seems to be making a dedication in your honor - an offering, meant only, for the two, of you.

Open-hearted and out-of-breath, you have been officially elevated.
In fact, you have been catapulted to a different stratosphere entirely, a place, where only eagles, and the thunderbirds, will ever, dare to fly.

As this epic expedition continues, you stay the course, by keeping your stamina up, mastering the elements, with the utmost Grace and Ease…
standing strong through anomalous springtime blizzards, learning to live off of very thin air, and being, nothing but courageous, when caught in those unexpected flash floods.
You glide effortlessly through the mysteriously rerouted flights, the 24-hour layovers, and cancelled itineraries, brushing off all the dead batteries and blown-out tires, and knowing everything is totally F I N E, when you are left alone to brave the storms of the long and gaping silences.

A few bumps add spice to any grand adventure, right?!

Oh, and that panic attack you had, collapsing in the middle of the United terminal at LAX?
That was just You, not, being graceful, enough.

As a Bold and Brilliant Visionary, you know your role – to keep your gaze firmly fixed on that distant horizon.
Because, some where, out there, just on the other side of this rough patch,
is that Divinely-destined, destination.

And the more unconditional you can be,
and less of a nuisance you are,
the faster, you both, will get there.

Why, if you squint hard enough, you can just about see it…
You know, that place out yonder?

That high desert land…?
With the big bluebird skies, amongst the billowing numinous clouds?
Where sagebrush dots the land and the wild horses run free?
Where the essence of juniper lifts your spirits, and the ancient looming pines, envelope you with their wisdom?

Yes! That’s the One!

In those silly moments of shadow and doubt, you just settle back into center, reminded of how, soon, you will arrive at the land, you have always dreamed, of homesteading, together.


do not enter sign
 

SIGNS + SYNCHRONICITIES

Then.
From out of nowhere, the barometric pressure rises, and the winds takes an about turn, catching you a bit off-guard.
The journey, has suddenly, shifted.

Did you miss a detour?
You apparently didn’t notice.

Surely, there must have been signs?
All those warnings that say…
No services. Last gas. Slow down!

Perhaps a final blinking light?
Achtung, Baby, Last EXIT here!

But you didn’t see any signs.

But then again, why would you?
You, are a Being of love and devotion...

known for those fancy, rose-colored specs and impressive manifesting capabilities. You, are a glass-is-half-full-kinda-beauty, even, when there is only, but a meager drop of dew in the glass.

You are simply doing your job - keeping your eyes locked on high, fixated on those big vistas, holding on to the vast visions, and staying true to those heart-opening moments.

With laser-like forward focus, you are determined to get to that Promised Land.
That place where you will be enraptured with the raptors, who soar like Icarus, way too high.
And get to be Be-dazzled, by all those glistening stars, some gazillion light years away.

Utterly transfixed you are...

On all those things
that are way, way out there,
far, far ahead,
and up, so very, very high.

Seemingly out of nowhere, you hear a screeching halt.

And there you are.
Your ass landed in a ditch, a few feet from where you started. Except somehow, now it’s Winter.
And when you started, it was Spring.

Sitting there… with your eyes flooding fast, head filled with dust, and choking on fumes of burnt rubber…you feel like an innocent deer in headlights.

You force a big blink to clear your clouded eyes, and look around…realizing, that the One, is now, nowhere, to be found.

 
distant highway open road
 

INCONVENIENT
TRUTHS

When the dust settles a bit, and you start trying to make sense of it all, you might look back, and sort-of distantly recall…
a hazy memory of running on fumes, a little too often and for way, too long.

And if you are really honest with yourself,
there were more than a few moments, you didn’t want to be an “inconvenience,” and you ignored your bladder’s yips and pleas of…
“Please, can’t we just stop to pee!”

You have just completed your initiation - of what “seems” to be the strange and unexpected end, of an intimate connection – when The One, has suddenly, up and disappeared.

YOU LOVED.
THEY LEFT.
END OF STORY.

First off, just so we don’t mix the types of love-lessons, here…
This is an entirely different initiation from a fiery showdown of flinging dishes and flying knives where one might up and run for their lives.

This is not the bone crushing suffocation, that occurs, when losing your love, to an unexpected death.

And this is very, different experience from the mutually decided upon and wonderfully evolved process of a “conscious uncoupling.”

Now, let’s get to it,
and make things crystal clear.

If the leaving seems to come from out-of-nowhere, it is likely,
you weren’t seeing the warning signs that were saying…
Road Closed. Dead End Ahead.

That is okay.
You were a brave warrior, willing to travel off-road without a map, traversing the Grand Frontiers of Love - a place where few have dared to go before.
Just because you are someone that keeps your eyes fixed on the horizon, and were focused on drifting off into that beautiful sunset together, does not, make you wrong.

You see, at some point, the road will become way too bumpy, you’ll get extraordinarily hangry, and your bladder will be way too full.
Even if the Calls of Nature don’t get your attention, not to worry, because the Forces of Nature will come in, smack you with a 2’ x 4’, take the wheel, and make the exit for you.

(Some of us, it takes a 2 x 4)

Out there in the distant deserts, the signs and symbols can be confusing, especially if you have forgotten your Shamanic Survival Skills.

THOSE ARE THE ADVANCED-USER SKILLS THAT TEACH US:

  • how to tune deep into the belly, and heed even the subtlest signs of nature even at the highest altitudes

  • how to swiftly tell the difference between a real-live, venomous snake and a prophetic, mystical vision

  • how to tip-toe around the trapper’s snare and not become an endangered animal

  • how to not get so dehydrated that you wander aimlessly toward an elusive mirage and end up dying of thirst

And so now you’ve been initiated -
upleveled from Snake Charmer to Queen of the Desert.

FANTASTIC JOB!
You DID NOT collapse into a pile of bones to be found by some future archeological dig, and that means, you were a success.

Once you are all caught up on your fluid intake, the Universe has an even grander adventure for you, but not until you’ve gotten some good R&R, and have learned the hard lesson - you don’t ever, deplete yourself for another.

Now don’t fret – whether it was 40 days adrift in the desert, or four years flying high, like a balloon across the sky – the timing, here, was impeccable. It always is.

There is a most profound and beautiful lesson in this specific initiation.
It will test you, revealing something important and precious. Without this initiation, it could only have stayed hidden.

This journey will reveal, just how distracted, distanced, and divorced you can get from your own Self, in order to be that “unconditional” big visionary Love for the Other.

You tried to build the structure without your own foundation in place, on which no sacred partnership, will ever be able to stand.

Lesson, now, learned.

That being said, this type of abrupt ending, is a huge shock to the system.
This initiation will purge age-old collective templating of abandonment and betrayal many generations before you.
Physiologically, your heart will take a temporary hit, giving off strange palpitations as if you might go into cardiac arrest.
And, we know you are likely, damn dehydrated.

But you made it out,
at just the perfect moment,
and just in the nick of time.

 
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So. If you are sitting there on the side of the road, or huddled up somewhere in a ball of confusion, I have some tidbits of wisdom to share with you.

This is ONE OF THE MOST important and necessary tests to ensure you can stand, as an Initiate for the Higher Templates of Love.

And as the dust settles, and the oxygen gets back into your blood, you might start to get a sense, of just what, a fierce Love Warrior, you, truly Are.

Of course, not ALL will be so lucky to be gifted with this initiation.
But for those of the empathic nature, whose purpose is very much that of being a highly attuned, nurturer, and bringer of the Light, this one goes out to you.

You.
Are, Here.
To be a pure expression of Love.

And don’t let any experience teach you any different.

There are few things this initiation might have revealed to you…

  1. Who you Are.
    But were unable to see without someone else reflecting that magnificence back to you… body, spirit and Soul.

  2. How you were Blocked.
    Everything, single, thing – patterning, beliefs, genetics, lack of self-love– that is stopping you, from becoming Point No. 1.

  3. Why you are Sacred.
    And need to treat yourself as such, creating boundaries of discernment, and understanding yourself as hallowed ground, on which only the most reverential can be allowed to tread.

And the big bonus…
you’ve got your Shamanic Survival Skills back!

If you are not sovereign and fully whole in yourself, you cannot dance in the type of pioneering partnerships, that you, are here to create.
Not until you hold that standard within, and without, can your True Love, come to Be.
And, unfortunately, these types of stories will run on replay, getting louder and stronger, until you finally learn. You’ve been told it all before. But the only way you truly Get It, is by being initiated.

(I’m sharing this, in hopes, that you don’t make it to the 2 x 4.)

 

BREAKDOWN
OR
BREAKTHROUGH.

Here’s your chance.


 

IF YOU ARE IN A SPACE OF SHOCK AND AWE
around such a trip, there are all sorts of tasks you have in front of you.
You have mourning, and grieving, radical forgiveness, important integration and profound steps toward self-love. But those are different conversations, meant for another day. Here, is what, to do, now.

THREE CRITICAL STEPS TO BREAK-ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE:

  1. STAND UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF + MOVE.
    Sitting on the side of the road can be a bit unsavory. (Trust me I know.) The start of any healing journey is to first, Decide.
    You get to make the decision. Your fate is in your hands. In order to heal, repair, and restore, it first begins with your own Will to do so. You might not feel like it, you might not know how, but you must know that you Will. Anything else places you in a victim stance and can take you on a meandering side route that could take years of, or years off, your life.
    You, know how to rise above the blame and victim stance.
    This is your moment to prove you are a Warrior of Love.
    Breakdown or Breakthrough.
    This is that juncture.
    The decision is up to you.
    Get up. Start walking, even though you likely have no idea where to go.

  2. EAT + HYDRATE.
    I’m not joking here. As we have ascertained, you were, likely, running on fumes. WAY TOO OFTEN (and for far too long.)
    Your body and spirit are not as nourished as they need to be. You are in the red. It will take time to get out. The time is now to focus on filling up all the nourishment tanks and recharging your own battery, when you’ve been used to charging someone else’s. This is your first, foundational step toward embracing Radical Self-Love. Start by nourishing foods…getting good proteins, healthy fats (both important for healing from any emotional or physical trauma and quelling the stress hormones). Add in copious quantities of vibrantly colored veggies.
    Water is a must. It will help you clear the sludge, keep the system flowing, and replace the bounty of detoxification tears, you might find yourself shedding.
    Drink Water. Flush it all out.

  3. GET A MASSAGE.
    Get some human touch. It might have been a while since you received any. Pay someone to give you loving, nourishing touch - swedish-style, not deep tissue. A space where all you get to do is relax into the arms of the Divine Mother and RECEIVE.

Follow these three seemingly simple steps.
And inch by inch, you will start to see what a poignantly epic, and very necessary journey you were on.

There are more things to do in this. But not today.
Later, there will be bold and important steps in your integration, and the therapeutic rehabilitation of your body and spirit, but this how we handle the acute and abrupt circumstance.

These love initiations are fierce, but you, will always emerge stronger, more resilient, and even more refined, having been selected to be tempered in the Sacred Fires of Love.


For individualized guidance and support in navigating, grieving and integrating what can feel like a very confusing and isolating Love initiation, reach out to Jennifer for mentorship.